On September 16th I had an appt with my RE. It was a dual appt. My annual pap and to discuss what to expect during a medicated cycle. As far as they saw I had a normal pap. So with that aside, it was learning about the injectible fertility meds and what to expect as far as all the appts during the cycle. They prescribed the medication, Menopur, for me to take during the beginning of my next cycle. This drug induces the development of multiple eggs giving a better chance at pregnancy. People have asked me what are my chances of pregnancy with this drug. There aren't any statistics per se, but it's got to be a bigger chance then I have now. So any step forward of any kind is alright with me. They also prescribed one shot of human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), aka the trigger shot. This is given to induce the release of the egg (ovulation). By taking that shot, we are in control of when I ovulate giving us a better chance at timing it right.
Since my last update we have decided that we are trying the meds effective next cycle, which will be early October (roughly in a week) as opposed to later in the year. This is JUST the meds and timed intercourse, NOT meds and IUI. If this cycle doesn't work, then we will plan an IUI before the end of the year. Reason is that John found out about Ford's benefit increase to the employees, so we may decide that it's better for me to hold the insurance for the family. So we want to get all that we can get out of our current insurance which consists of 3 months of fertility meds and 1 IUI covered.
I had a little run in with trying to get my meds. They called the script into my local CVS Pharmacy. They typically have to order them as they do not have those on hand. But I was told the pharmacy had a rejection notice from my insurance. Come to find out that my insurance has a say on what pharmacy fills these prescriptions. My RE office got it all worked out and now was approved through Pharmacy Advantage. They get shipped to me. I called today to follow up on the status of the scripts and our insurance approved the meds this morning. I called the pharmacy and they said I can have them as early as tomorrow! YAY! I really can't believe this is all happening...so many emotions involved in the process. Who knew I would be so excited to know my meds are on the way. One might think that this would suck that I have to do all this, but like I said earlier, any step closer to having a baby, big or small, is alright with me.
To give a synopsis of my life for the next month (and every month after if this doesn't work):
1.) Call the RE on my first day of menstruation (sometime early October) to set up an appt within the following 2 days to have a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. The u/s shows them that my ovaries are good and healthy and are clear from any ovarian cysts. If there are cysts, they typically do not go forward with the fertility meds as they could really over stimulate and cause damage to the ovaries. The bloodwork is to check estrogen levels and check for pregnancy..just in case ;-). At this appt, they will run down, again, what to expect for this cycle and set up a schedule of appts for that month. They will show me how to mix/prepare and administer the meds.
2.) I start the injectibles on cycle day 3 or 4 and they are very adament that I be sure to plan on having the injections between 6-7 pm. And I will take injections for aproximately 9 days.
3.) I go back to the RE several times throughout the cycle for bloodwork for appropriate monitoring of the medication.
4.) Cycle day 12-15 I will have another ultrasound to determine how well I am responding to the meds. How many folicles I have. At this point they will tell me when to take the trigger shot to induce the release of egg(s).
5.) Return on cycle day 21 for bloodwork to confirm ovulation and determine the quality of egg(s) that were released. (btw, I find it INCREDIBLY amazing that so much can be told through blood).
6.) If I'm pregnant, I go back to get another blood draw to confirm pregnancy. If I am not pregnant, then I call them on my first day of menstruation and it starts all over again.
So many painful pokes ahead of me. One day, it will all be worth it. In the meantime, please pray hard for us! Thanks again for the overwhelming support! It means so much. I am super open to talk about this process, so if you have questions, just ask. I am happy to share with you.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Something to read, then think about before playing stupid Facebook "status games"
Please read this. I could not have said it any better:
http://cgwardphotography.blogspot.com/2011/08/regarding-facebook-breast-cancer.html
http://cgwardphotography.blogspot.com/2011/08/regarding-facebook-breast-cancer.html
Monday, August 29, 2011
I can grow veggies....but not a baby
I don't know where this post will take me but we are gonna just flow with it..roll with the punches, if you will. I know in my last post I mentioned that the next time we would talk about fertilityfriend.com and ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. But I do what I want, and that's not what I choose today. I am here with the dog, a steak I just grilled and a glass of wine. Much needed after today. Funny I even say that. I feel I handle this stuff pretty decent, allowing stupid stuff to roll off my shoulders. But then I sit in silence and my brain starts going. Seriously, I need distraction quick! So what do I do...pick up the laptop and start writing. It's why I started this blog in the first place, right?
Seems as though there is so much to update on yet, I can't keep a thought straight. John is in the heat of his busy time at work. So he gets home pretty late in the evening and even started to work Saturdays. We are still screwing around with this damn family room remodel. It's so close to being done, but I have no motivation and when he gets home late, we just want to lay in bed and....sleep. Nothing else...period! Sooo...because of this temporary lifestyle change we have decided to put fertility treatments on hold.
UPDATE ALERT...Yes, we were finally told that we are candidates for IUI and they wanted to start me on meds for a month or two before the IUI. But I told them I didn't want to waste valuable months on meds, when he is working so much. Timing would be of the essence and to not know about timing would be really poor planning on our part. The lady at the RE office told me that by taking meds a month or two before an IUI gives them an idea of how well my body takes to the meds. So I gave in and decided to go this route against my prior thought of why waste time, let's get to the IUI. I completely understand their thought process on it and I trust them. After all, they ARE the experts. But I have still made the appt in September to go over what to expect while injecting meds. Ya, they haven't written that book have they? I think I am onto something here!
So needless to say we are just trying naturally until hopefully the Oct-Nov cycle or Nov-Dec cycle. Morgan and I are flying to Kansas City for my birthday towards the end of October for 2 days. So if anything, this will be the cycle I can start the meds and not mess any timing up...hopefully. So IUI seems so far away yet right around the corner. Hopefully by Jan/Feb.
So that's the plan (clearly ever changing)
And this has been life with infertility....EVERYONE AROUND ME IS PREGNANT! What's new? It's gotten so bad, that we can't even walk into Meijer to grocery shop for 20 minutes and not see a 9 month looking pregnant belly. To top it off, I just realized last week that our neighbor across the street is pregnant. Like she literally popped out over night. She is a rather slim chick, so when she was outside pulling weeds, she stood up and I walked by my window and it was like I was punched in the gut. Really God?! Really? I had the chance to finally catch up with them today and I asked when she was due and she said Thanksgiving day. Wow...right around the corner. They are a young couple, this being their first baby and they are fixing the house up nicely. Everything is going great for them. I'm very happy for them, but again, it sucks for us.
But good news, at least I can grow cucumbers and tomatoes! I was so thrilled that I was able to pick 2 cucumbers from our plant and eat one right away. It was the best feeling. Tomatoes are just coming in. Not sure they will make it to ripe stage. I'm holding out hope. I planted them a little late so I can't get my hopes up too high....hmm..sounds familiar :-/
Morgan starts school a week from tomorrow. She will be a 2nd grader! I'm so proud of that girl. Through out this summer with her being at her dads most of the time and this infertility stuff sure has opened my eyes. I am so thankful that God blessed me with her. I can't even imagine the past 8 years without her. Now just to bless John with one of his own. We want nothing more. Our anniversary is in a few short weeks. Can't believe it's been 2 years already. Happiness and sadness all rolled into one. Really wish we didn't have to associate our anniversary to how many months we have been trying to have a baby.
Until next time...thanks for riding the Gladkowski crazy train
Seems as though there is so much to update on yet, I can't keep a thought straight. John is in the heat of his busy time at work. So he gets home pretty late in the evening and even started to work Saturdays. We are still screwing around with this damn family room remodel. It's so close to being done, but I have no motivation and when he gets home late, we just want to lay in bed and....sleep. Nothing else...period! Sooo...because of this temporary lifestyle change we have decided to put fertility treatments on hold.
UPDATE ALERT...Yes, we were finally told that we are candidates for IUI and they wanted to start me on meds for a month or two before the IUI. But I told them I didn't want to waste valuable months on meds, when he is working so much. Timing would be of the essence and to not know about timing would be really poor planning on our part. The lady at the RE office told me that by taking meds a month or two before an IUI gives them an idea of how well my body takes to the meds. So I gave in and decided to go this route against my prior thought of why waste time, let's get to the IUI. I completely understand their thought process on it and I trust them. After all, they ARE the experts. But I have still made the appt in September to go over what to expect while injecting meds. Ya, they haven't written that book have they? I think I am onto something here!
So needless to say we are just trying naturally until hopefully the Oct-Nov cycle or Nov-Dec cycle. Morgan and I are flying to Kansas City for my birthday towards the end of October for 2 days. So if anything, this will be the cycle I can start the meds and not mess any timing up...hopefully. So IUI seems so far away yet right around the corner. Hopefully by Jan/Feb.
So that's the plan (clearly ever changing)
And this has been life with infertility....EVERYONE AROUND ME IS PREGNANT! What's new? It's gotten so bad, that we can't even walk into Meijer to grocery shop for 20 minutes and not see a 9 month looking pregnant belly. To top it off, I just realized last week that our neighbor across the street is pregnant. Like she literally popped out over night. She is a rather slim chick, so when she was outside pulling weeds, she stood up and I walked by my window and it was like I was punched in the gut. Really God?! Really? I had the chance to finally catch up with them today and I asked when she was due and she said Thanksgiving day. Wow...right around the corner. They are a young couple, this being their first baby and they are fixing the house up nicely. Everything is going great for them. I'm very happy for them, but again, it sucks for us.
But good news, at least I can grow cucumbers and tomatoes! I was so thrilled that I was able to pick 2 cucumbers from our plant and eat one right away. It was the best feeling. Tomatoes are just coming in. Not sure they will make it to ripe stage. I'm holding out hope. I planted them a little late so I can't get my hopes up too high....hmm..sounds familiar :-/
Morgan starts school a week from tomorrow. She will be a 2nd grader! I'm so proud of that girl. Through out this summer with her being at her dads most of the time and this infertility stuff sure has opened my eyes. I am so thankful that God blessed me with her. I can't even imagine the past 8 years without her. Now just to bless John with one of his own. We want nothing more. Our anniversary is in a few short weeks. Can't believe it's been 2 years already. Happiness and sadness all rolled into one. Really wish we didn't have to associate our anniversary to how many months we have been trying to have a baby.
Until next time...thanks for riding the Gladkowski crazy train
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Does pain really equal gain?
I have been getting some antsy followers questioning what the plan is. Well, I kinda sorta know. Does that count? Can you believe that since our consult appt with the RE back in May, we haven't seen or talk to the doctor? It's always been with his staff (whom I love, don't get me wrong). I am being told he is reviewing all the tests and relaying the information to his staff who in turn call me with any information or results.
They tell me that the doctor says I am a candidate for the ovulation inducing meds. Candidate? I didn't know I was running in an election. I just thought if I wanted to do it, then we could. Especially after almost 2 years of trying, somethings got to give. And that will be the pharmacists giving me my meds, damnit!
She informed me that as far as a candidate for an IUI, the doctor didn't know because he never received John's latest semen analysis (SA). So until we get those results faxed over to them, they were focusing on the injectible meds for me. They are mailing me some education material about the meds. Then once I read over it and it's something I would like to do, then I call them to set up a time for me to take a class on administering the meds. I assume John will need to come as he will probably help stab...err...I mean administer the meds. I hope he doesn't show great joy in this class as to not make the staff suspicious of his behavior. I have not received the information in the mail yet, so I am not sure when everything is taking place. But I do know it won't be for this current cycle. Which is good as I am going to Texas in a couple weeks and the timing was going to be all wrong.
As for getting John's SA faxed over to the RE, I'm not sure what is so fuckin' difficult about this. Everything about our experience with his Urologist has been a pain in the ass. Insurance, where he can and cannot go for his SAs, who needs to write up his scripts to do the SA, who's responsibility it is to fax this information, and why the hell does his primary physician (PP) have anything to do with any of this. That has been the cause of most of this mess. The Urologist office seems to think that the PP has to fax because they wrote the script. NO!! He did not. You shit heads are the dick specialists that we are seeing. Why on earth would our PP write a script for a jack in a cup, when you morons told him to have it done and you will be reviewing it. This all makes no sense to me. If anyone out there has an explanation for us, please humor us. Anyways, I believe that now we are seeing this RE, he won't need to see them anymore. Crossing my phalanges. (oh and I apologize for all the cursing and name calling. This infertility stuff gets pretty intense as you can see)
With everything said and done, if 2 months worth of injectibles do not work for us, and we are able to do an IUI after that, I am HOPING that the IUI does the trick and we are pregnant for Christmas!
Since currently we are waiting on the next cycle for all this to start happening, my next posts you will meet my dear friends ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor and www.fertilityfriend.com.
Stay tuned :-)
They tell me that the doctor says I am a candidate for the ovulation inducing meds. Candidate? I didn't know I was running in an election. I just thought if I wanted to do it, then we could. Especially after almost 2 years of trying, somethings got to give. And that will be the pharmacists giving me my meds, damnit!
She informed me that as far as a candidate for an IUI, the doctor didn't know because he never received John's latest semen analysis (SA). So until we get those results faxed over to them, they were focusing on the injectible meds for me. They are mailing me some education material about the meds. Then once I read over it and it's something I would like to do, then I call them to set up a time for me to take a class on administering the meds. I assume John will need to come as he will probably help stab...err...I mean administer the meds. I hope he doesn't show great joy in this class as to not make the staff suspicious of his behavior. I have not received the information in the mail yet, so I am not sure when everything is taking place. But I do know it won't be for this current cycle. Which is good as I am going to Texas in a couple weeks and the timing was going to be all wrong.
As for getting John's SA faxed over to the RE, I'm not sure what is so fuckin' difficult about this. Everything about our experience with his Urologist has been a pain in the ass. Insurance, where he can and cannot go for his SAs, who needs to write up his scripts to do the SA, who's responsibility it is to fax this information, and why the hell does his primary physician (PP) have anything to do with any of this. That has been the cause of most of this mess. The Urologist office seems to think that the PP has to fax because they wrote the script. NO!! He did not. You shit heads are the dick specialists that we are seeing. Why on earth would our PP write a script for a jack in a cup, when you morons told him to have it done and you will be reviewing it. This all makes no sense to me. If anyone out there has an explanation for us, please humor us. Anyways, I believe that now we are seeing this RE, he won't need to see them anymore. Crossing my phalanges. (oh and I apologize for all the cursing and name calling. This infertility stuff gets pretty intense as you can see)
With everything said and done, if 2 months worth of injectibles do not work for us, and we are able to do an IUI after that, I am HOPING that the IUI does the trick and we are pregnant for Christmas!
Since currently we are waiting on the next cycle for all this to start happening, my next posts you will meet my dear friends ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor and www.fertilityfriend.com.
Stay tuned :-)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
AF=Annoying as Fuck
I am convinced that Aunt Flo just loves me so much that she can't get enough of me. Always visiting and even early sometimes. Just..can't..stay..away! What was I really expecting this time anyway? Different than the last 22 months? Pshhh. Let's move along.
Clearly I got the visit today. They are always the worst days as it can't be anymore in my face that I'm not pregnant (and can I add that I just watched a video of a woman giving birth in a bath tub on Tosh.0...wtf? maybe it can get more in my face).
I have to call the RE tomorrow to let them know I started so they can hurry the eff up on their plan for us. It's been up in the air whether we would even try this cycle because I am headed to Texas at the beginning of August which could quite possibly be my fertile time. But we couldn't tell that til I started. Well it's gonna be cutting it close. Like really close. Even if I am on injectible meds, there is no way to tell how my body will handle the drugs and I could ovulate later than normal and enjoy the side effects for nothing. Sooo, I guess we will see when I call tomorrow.
I have to mention that I had a wonderful conversation with a very dear friend of mine this weekend. One whom is pregnant. It was a very needed conversation. One that allowed me to shed a tear or two. And it was all over talking about a song that takes me into the future watching John holding his baby for the first time. Holy shit, where do all these tears come from? Just typing about it gets me all emotional. Exactly what I want before heading to bed :-/ She is a great listener. In turn I listened and asked questions about her pregnancy. It was a like a mini therapy session for me. She knows who she is and I thank you for allowing me to get out some things even though it directly relates to your happy time. You don't know how much it means to me.
John and I took off to Mt. Pleasant this weekend to see a concert at the Soaring Eagle Casino. It was awesome to just let loose and forget about all the worries in the world. One including my one and only baby girl getting on a plane for the first time and heading out west with her grandparents (her dad's parents) for 2 weeks...all without me. I'm doing alot better with it than I thought. I have talked to her several times so far and she is having a great time.
Well I'm signing off for now. I'm sure I will have, yet, another update this week as to what we plan on doing. And perhaps some answers on my tests from last cycle.
Toodles!
Clearly I got the visit today. They are always the worst days as it can't be anymore in my face that I'm not pregnant (and can I add that I just watched a video of a woman giving birth in a bath tub on Tosh.0...wtf? maybe it can get more in my face).
I have to call the RE tomorrow to let them know I started so they can hurry the eff up on their plan for us. It's been up in the air whether we would even try this cycle because I am headed to Texas at the beginning of August which could quite possibly be my fertile time. But we couldn't tell that til I started. Well it's gonna be cutting it close. Like really close. Even if I am on injectible meds, there is no way to tell how my body will handle the drugs and I could ovulate later than normal and enjoy the side effects for nothing. Sooo, I guess we will see when I call tomorrow.
I have to mention that I had a wonderful conversation with a very dear friend of mine this weekend. One whom is pregnant. It was a very needed conversation. One that allowed me to shed a tear or two. And it was all over talking about a song that takes me into the future watching John holding his baby for the first time. Holy shit, where do all these tears come from? Just typing about it gets me all emotional. Exactly what I want before heading to bed :-/ She is a great listener. In turn I listened and asked questions about her pregnancy. It was a like a mini therapy session for me. She knows who she is and I thank you for allowing me to get out some things even though it directly relates to your happy time. You don't know how much it means to me.
John and I took off to Mt. Pleasant this weekend to see a concert at the Soaring Eagle Casino. It was awesome to just let loose and forget about all the worries in the world. One including my one and only baby girl getting on a plane for the first time and heading out west with her grandparents (her dad's parents) for 2 weeks...all without me. I'm doing alot better with it than I thought. I have talked to her several times so far and she is having a great time.
Well I'm signing off for now. I'm sure I will have, yet, another update this week as to what we plan on doing. And perhaps some answers on my tests from last cycle.
Toodles!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The last 22 months...but who's counting?
APPOINTMENTS, APPOINTMENTS, APPOINTMENTS….TESTING, TESTING, TESTING!
Need I say more? Oh, we bought a house! But that is neither here nor there.
Without going into much detail about the past, after trying for about 6 months, I had a feeling something was wrong and that we were going to need some assistance conceiving. Something overcame me. Hard to describe the feeling, but they say a woman’s intuition is rarely wrong…or typically right. Whichever way you see it. John has been tested more than I can count on both of my hands. Poor guy. And I certainly have had my fair share of feeling incredibly violated. With all said and done today as we stand, we have found out that John has some less than favorable sperm. We know there are some winners in there but the losers are overwhelming them. Poor guys. Damn bullies. And there are some low hormone levels too which are being corrected with Clomid.
Let’s talk about Clomid, shall we?
For those who have been through this journey, know what drug that is. I didn’t know it can be taken by men until they prescribed to him. It’s supposed to help raise testosterone levels which in turn improves sperm quality. Hmm…who knew? I also took this drug for a couple months. It is to help with ovulation. I refuse to go back on it. It’s evil…no really, I think there may be a hint of Satan in it. For women, it gives a sense of..ohhh…wanting to end lives. Others of course. Such as incompetent drivers, disrespectful and noisy cube farm neighbors, and crazy coupon ladies who hold up the check-out lines. Oh wait, that last one is me! A-hem…moving on now. Clomid for men has been described to me, and I’m sure not limited to, as having a sense of well-being. Euphoric, if you will. Not a damn thing negative. Except, we have found out, when trying to hang drywall. Satan may appear then. Proceed with caution.
Other than being poked and prodded for all sorts of other tests with no results, we were at a loss. So we decided a few months ago to start seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Quick! Say that 3 times fast! Just kidding, that’s not fair. It took me a good month to pronounce it correctly. We had a consultation with Dr. Afsari (no worries, you can just call him Dr. A). He wanted John to do a repeat Analysis of his winners and bullies to see where they stand. I, on the other hand, needed to go through 2 cycles of un-medicated monitoring. So in a nutshell, make an appt. twice a month for 2 months and let them poke around in my girl parts and see if there are problems. Ya, I’m not holding back on this blog, so if you can’t take it, do not continue. For the rest, follow me. Today was the last appointment of the 2 month monitoring. I am waiting on the call after Dr. A reviews my last cycle and he will write up a plan for John and I. At this point, I am almost positive we will do injectibles: Fertility meds in liquid form given by a shot…many days in a row. I don’t know exactly when they are done during my cycle, but John likes the idea of being able to stab me with a sharp object and not get punched in the face for it. Yay me! This is to make sure I grow great follicles (which house the eggs). Then given another shot to force my body to ovulate. This also help us to time the ovulation. Just so we know we are timing it correctly. Our insurance covers 3 cycles of injectibles up to one IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). If you don’t know and you really wanna know, here is a video on the procedure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdIiLLF0vw This is a lot more than most insurances cover for infertility. So this is better news then most get. IUI at Dr. A’s office is $1,000. If that doesn’t work, then we are on our own financially.
Although I find humor during these travels, in all seriousness, it’s incredibly emotional for us (Hence the blog title: Laugh Until You Cry..Cry Until You Laugh). I can hardly stand hearing pregnancy announcements anymore. Last weekend I read 4 of them on Facebook. I feel gun shy when logging on. Not sure who the next one is that will announce they got knocked up. Many of our friends have gotten pregnant while we have been trying. They all know our struggles and feel bad for telling us. Although I hate for them to feel that way because this is a happy time for them, it does sting me every time. Deep down, I am happy for them, but on the surface I’m jealous. Or is it the other way around? Either way, that should be us! Why do we (or anyone for that matter) deserve this? Yes, I have a child, but not being able to give John his first biological child kills me. Sometimes I feel he blames himself. Infertility cannot be blamed. We are doing all that we can possibly do. I have learned SO much about all this baby making stuff that I can honestly say that it’s a friggin’ miracle that anyone conceives…especially as easily as some do. The timing has to be perfect. You get one 24 hour window each month to fertilize an egg and even then you are only given a 20 % chance of conception. Crazy to think about it like that huh? For those who have kids, they are true blessings. One day, we will be a family of 4. If you have gotten through this hot mess of a first post, great! Thank you for reading! I do plan on updating frequently, so stop back by.
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