Does pain really equal gain?

I have been getting some antsy followers questioning what the plan is. Well, I kinda sorta know. Does that count? Can you believe that since our consult appt with the RE back in May, we haven't seen or talk to the doctor? It's always been with his staff (whom I love, don't get me wrong). I am being told he is reviewing all the tests and relaying the information to his staff who in turn call me with any information or results.

They tell me that the doctor says I am a candidate for the ovulation inducing meds. Candidate? I didn't know I was running in an election. I just thought if I wanted to do it, then we could. Especially after almost 2 years of trying, somethings got to give. And that will be the pharmacists giving me my meds, damnit!

She informed me that as far as a candidate for an IUI, the doctor didn't know because he never received John's latest semen analysis (SA). So until we get those results faxed over to them, they were focusing on the injectible meds for me. They are mailing me some education material about the meds. Then once I read over it and it's something I would like to do, then I call them to set up a time for me to take a class on administering the meds. I assume John will need to come as he will probably help stab...err...I mean administer the meds. I hope he doesn't show great joy in this class as to not make the staff suspicious of his behavior. I have not received the information in the mail yet, so I am not sure when everything is taking place. But I do know it won't be for this current cycle. Which is good as I am going to Texas in a couple weeks and the timing was going to be all wrong.

As for getting John's SA faxed over to the RE, I'm not sure what is so fuckin' difficult about this. Everything about our experience with his Urologist has been a pain in the ass. Insurance, where he can and cannot go for his SAs, who needs to write up his scripts to do the SA, who's responsibility it is to fax this information, and why the hell does his primary physician (PP) have anything to do with any of this. That has been the cause of most of this mess. The Urologist office seems to think that the PP has to fax because they wrote the script. NO!! He did not. You shit heads are the dick specialists that we are seeing. Why on earth would our PP write a script for a jack in a cup, when you morons told him to have it done and you will be reviewing it. This all makes no sense to me. If anyone out there has an explanation for us, please humor us. Anyways, I believe that now we are seeing this RE, he won't need to see them anymore. Crossing my phalanges. (oh and I apologize for all the cursing and name calling. This infertility stuff gets pretty intense as you can see)

With everything said and done, if 2 months worth of injectibles do not work for us, and we are able to do an IUI after that, I am HOPING that the IUI does the trick and we are pregnant for Christmas!

Since currently we are waiting on the next cycle for all this to start happening, my next posts you will meet my dear friends ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor and www.fertilityfriend.com.

Stay tuned :-)

AF=Annoying as Fuck

I am convinced that Aunt Flo just loves me so much that she can't get enough of me. Always visiting and even early sometimes. Just..can't..stay..away! What was I really expecting this time anyway? Different than the last 22 months? Pshhh. Let's move along.

Clearly I got the visit today. They are always the worst days as it can't be anymore in my face that I'm not pregnant (and can I add that I just watched a video of a woman giving birth in a bath tub on Tosh.0...wtf? maybe it can get more in my face).

I have to call the RE tomorrow to let them know I started so they can hurry the eff up on their plan for us. It's been up in the air whether we would even try this cycle because I am headed to Texas at the beginning of August which could quite possibly be my fertile time. But we couldn't tell that til I started. Well it's gonna be cutting it close. Like really close. Even if I am on injectible meds, there is no way to tell how my body will handle the drugs and I could ovulate later than normal and enjoy the side effects for nothing. Sooo, I guess we will see when I call tomorrow. 

I have to mention that I had a wonderful conversation with a very dear friend of mine this weekend. One whom is pregnant. It was a very needed conversation. One that allowed me to shed a tear or two. And it was all over talking about a song that takes me into the future watching John holding his baby for the first time. Holy shit, where do all these tears come from? Just typing about it gets me all emotional. Exactly what I want before heading to bed :-/  She is a great listener. In turn I listened and asked questions about her pregnancy. It was a like a mini therapy session for me. She knows who she is and I thank you for allowing me to get out some things even though it directly relates to your happy time. You don't know how much it means to me.

John and I took off to Mt. Pleasant this weekend to see a concert at the Soaring Eagle Casino. It was awesome to just let loose and forget about all the worries in the world. One including my one and only baby girl getting on a plane for the first time and heading out west with her grandparents (her dad's parents) for 2 weeks...all without  me. I'm doing alot better with it than I thought. I have talked to her several times so far and she is having a great time.

Well I'm signing off for now. I'm sure I will have, yet, another update this week as to what we plan on doing. And perhaps some answers on my tests from last cycle.

Toodles!

The last 22 months...but who's counting?

APPOINTMENTS, APPOINTMENTS, APPOINTMENTS….TESTING, TESTING, TESTING! 

Need I say more? Oh, we bought a house! But that is neither here nor there.

Without going into much detail about the past, after trying for about 6 months, I had a feeling something was wrong and that we were going to need some assistance conceiving. Something overcame me. Hard to describe the feeling, but they say a woman’s intuition is rarely wrong…or typically right. Whichever way you see it. John has been tested more than I can count on both of my hands. Poor guy. And I certainly have had my fair share of feeling incredibly violated. With all said and done today as we stand, we have found out that John has some less than favorable sperm. We know there are some winners in there but the losers are overwhelming them. Poor guys. Damn bullies. And there are some low hormone levels too which are being corrected with Clomid.

Let’s talk about Clomid, shall we?

For those who have been through this journey, know what drug that is. I didn’t know it can be taken by men until they prescribed to him. It’s supposed to help raise testosterone levels which in turn improves sperm quality. Hmm…who knew? I also took this drug for a couple months. It is to help with ovulation. I refuse to go back on it. It’s evil…no really, I think there may be a hint of Satan in it. For women, it gives a sense of..ohhh…wanting to end lives. Others of course. Such as incompetent drivers, disrespectful and noisy cube farm neighbors, and crazy coupon ladies who hold up the check-out lines. Oh wait, that last one is me! A-hem…moving on now. Clomid for men has been described to me, and I’m sure not limited to, as having a sense of well-being. Euphoric, if you will. Not a damn thing negative. Except, we have found out, when trying to hang drywall. Satan may appear then. Proceed with caution.

Other than being poked and prodded for all sorts of other tests with no results, we were at a loss. So we decided a few months ago to start seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Quick! Say that 3 times fast! Just kidding, that’s not fair. It took me a good month to pronounce it correctly. We had a consultation with Dr. Afsari (no worries, you can just call him Dr. A). He wanted John to do a repeat Analysis of his winners and bullies to see where they stand. I, on the other hand, needed to go through 2 cycles of un-medicated monitoring. So in a nutshell, make an appt. twice a month for 2 months and let them poke around in my girl parts and see if there are problems. Ya, I’m not holding back on this blog, so if you can’t take it, do not continue. For the rest, follow me. Today was the last appointment of the 2 month monitoring.  I am waiting on the call after Dr. A reviews my last cycle and he will write up a plan for John and I. At this point, I am almost positive we will do injectibles: Fertility meds in liquid form given by a shot…many days in a row. I don’t know exactly when they are done during my cycle, but John likes the idea of being able to stab me with a sharp object and not get punched in the face for it. Yay me! This is to make sure I grow great follicles (which house the eggs). Then given another shot to force my body to ovulate. This also help us to time the ovulation. Just so we know we are timing it correctly. Our insurance covers 3 cycles of injectibles up to one IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). If you don’t know and you really wanna know, here is a video on the procedure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdIiLLF0vw This is a lot more than most insurances cover for infertility. So this is better news then most get. IUI at Dr. A’s office is $1,000. If that doesn’t work, then we are on our own financially.

Although I find humor during these travels, in all seriousness, it’s incredibly emotional for us (Hence the blog title: Laugh Until You Cry..Cry Until You Laugh). I can hardly stand hearing pregnancy announcements anymore. Last weekend I read 4 of them on Facebook. I feel gun shy when logging on. Not sure who the next one is that will announce they got knocked up. Many of our friends have gotten pregnant while we have been trying. They all know our struggles and feel bad for telling us. Although I hate for them to feel that way because this is a happy time for them, it does sting me every time. Deep down, I am happy for them, but on the surface I’m jealous. Or is it the other way around? Either way, that should be us! Why do we (or anyone for that matter) deserve this? Yes, I have a child, but not being able to give John his first biological child kills me. Sometimes I feel he blames himself. Infertility cannot be blamed. We are doing all that we can possibly do. I have learned SO much about all this baby making stuff that I can honestly say that it’s a friggin’ miracle that anyone conceives…especially as easily as some do. The timing has to be perfect. You get one 24 hour window each month to fertilize an egg and even then you are only given a 20 % chance of conception. Crazy to think about it like that huh? For those who have kids, they are true blessings. One day, we will be a family of 4. If you have gotten through this hot mess of a first post, great! Thank you for reading! I do plan on updating frequently, so stop back by.