The last 22 months...but who's counting?

APPOINTMENTS, APPOINTMENTS, APPOINTMENTS….TESTING, TESTING, TESTING! 

Need I say more? Oh, we bought a house! But that is neither here nor there.

Without going into much detail about the past, after trying for about 6 months, I had a feeling something was wrong and that we were going to need some assistance conceiving. Something overcame me. Hard to describe the feeling, but they say a woman’s intuition is rarely wrong…or typically right. Whichever way you see it. John has been tested more than I can count on both of my hands. Poor guy. And I certainly have had my fair share of feeling incredibly violated. With all said and done today as we stand, we have found out that John has some less than favorable sperm. We know there are some winners in there but the losers are overwhelming them. Poor guys. Damn bullies. And there are some low hormone levels too which are being corrected with Clomid.

Let’s talk about Clomid, shall we?

For those who have been through this journey, know what drug that is. I didn’t know it can be taken by men until they prescribed to him. It’s supposed to help raise testosterone levels which in turn improves sperm quality. Hmm…who knew? I also took this drug for a couple months. It is to help with ovulation. I refuse to go back on it. It’s evil…no really, I think there may be a hint of Satan in it. For women, it gives a sense of..ohhh…wanting to end lives. Others of course. Such as incompetent drivers, disrespectful and noisy cube farm neighbors, and crazy coupon ladies who hold up the check-out lines. Oh wait, that last one is me! A-hem…moving on now. Clomid for men has been described to me, and I’m sure not limited to, as having a sense of well-being. Euphoric, if you will. Not a damn thing negative. Except, we have found out, when trying to hang drywall. Satan may appear then. Proceed with caution.

Other than being poked and prodded for all sorts of other tests with no results, we were at a loss. So we decided a few months ago to start seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Quick! Say that 3 times fast! Just kidding, that’s not fair. It took me a good month to pronounce it correctly. We had a consultation with Dr. Afsari (no worries, you can just call him Dr. A). He wanted John to do a repeat Analysis of his winners and bullies to see where they stand. I, on the other hand, needed to go through 2 cycles of un-medicated monitoring. So in a nutshell, make an appt. twice a month for 2 months and let them poke around in my girl parts and see if there are problems. Ya, I’m not holding back on this blog, so if you can’t take it, do not continue. For the rest, follow me. Today was the last appointment of the 2 month monitoring.  I am waiting on the call after Dr. A reviews my last cycle and he will write up a plan for John and I. At this point, I am almost positive we will do injectibles: Fertility meds in liquid form given by a shot…many days in a row. I don’t know exactly when they are done during my cycle, but John likes the idea of being able to stab me with a sharp object and not get punched in the face for it. Yay me! This is to make sure I grow great follicles (which house the eggs). Then given another shot to force my body to ovulate. This also help us to time the ovulation. Just so we know we are timing it correctly. Our insurance covers 3 cycles of injectibles up to one IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). If you don’t know and you really wanna know, here is a video on the procedure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdIiLLF0vw This is a lot more than most insurances cover for infertility. So this is better news then most get. IUI at Dr. A’s office is $1,000. If that doesn’t work, then we are on our own financially.

Although I find humor during these travels, in all seriousness, it’s incredibly emotional for us (Hence the blog title: Laugh Until You Cry..Cry Until You Laugh). I can hardly stand hearing pregnancy announcements anymore. Last weekend I read 4 of them on Facebook. I feel gun shy when logging on. Not sure who the next one is that will announce they got knocked up. Many of our friends have gotten pregnant while we have been trying. They all know our struggles and feel bad for telling us. Although I hate for them to feel that way because this is a happy time for them, it does sting me every time. Deep down, I am happy for them, but on the surface I’m jealous. Or is it the other way around? Either way, that should be us! Why do we (or anyone for that matter) deserve this? Yes, I have a child, but not being able to give John his first biological child kills me. Sometimes I feel he blames himself. Infertility cannot be blamed. We are doing all that we can possibly do. I have learned SO much about all this baby making stuff that I can honestly say that it’s a friggin’ miracle that anyone conceives…especially as easily as some do. The timing has to be perfect. You get one 24 hour window each month to fertilize an egg and even then you are only given a 20 % chance of conception. Crazy to think about it like that huh? For those who have kids, they are true blessings. One day, we will be a family of 4. If you have gotten through this hot mess of a first post, great! Thank you for reading! I do plan on updating frequently, so stop back by.